PART II. 4: Interpersonal Development Competencies---Competency Four (4): Effective communication
Competency 4: Effective communication
Introduction
It is commonly said (even admitted) that communication is key in human relations. Without communication, there can’t be good relations, socialization, or development. It is also commonly said that communication is the fourth power after (1) the executive, (2) the legislative, and (3) the judiciary because communication can do and undo any system, any power (even the first three powers cited above).
Another aspect of the communication issue is that communication for communication sake does not do much good either. There needs to be some effectiveness or efficiency seeking, some focus and an objective to reach in order to achieve the needed goal.
The question now springs up, how to communicate effectively? In other words, how do we communicate in such a way that helps reach the desired goal is successfully?
Definitions
Communication
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, communication is “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals [or a group of people, an organization or an institution, etc.] through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.”
Effective communication
“Effective communication is the process of exchanging ideas, thoughts, opinions, knowledge, and
data so that the message is received, [interpreted,] and understood with clarity and purpose. When we
communicate effectively, both the sender and receiver feel satisfied” (Coursera, 2022, August 16, p. 2).
Internal & external interactions
This refers to interactions within a circle of activity or business or work (internal) or in a bigger
circle such as the outside world (external), of course with all its complexities and challenges that call for
wise analysis, understanding, action, and behavior.
Cooperative relationships
Relationships between individuals or groups (companies, organizations, institutions) that call for
willingness to cooperate, to collaborate (Illustrated Oxford Dictionary) without necessarily a formal
drafted agreement. There may be formal agreement but the focus is on the willingness to interact together
peacefully, amicably, etc., rather based on trust than on the rigidity of formal written documents because
of the fear of the law or negative repercussion even if the heart in not in it.
Some key competency components
Effective communication
First, according to Alhadlaq (2016), “communication is one of the most significant aspects of the life of all living organisms, especially human beings” (p. 1). This seems to encapsulate a whole spectrum of the importance of communication but what about effective communication?
From the definition, we saw that “Effective communication is the process of exchanging ideas, thoughts, opinions, knowledge, and data so that the message is received, [interpreted,] and understood with clarity and purpose. When we communicate effectively, both the sender and receiver feel satisfied” (Coursera, 2022, August 16, p. 2). In other words, it’s a kind of communication that produces positive, agreeable effects, and it make things move efficiently. I usually tell people around that, the majority of issues or problems we face in our society (family, school, workplace, etc.) are communication problems. If communication competency is well developed and mastered, we will be able to avoid a big amount of unnecessary challenges.
Internal & external interactions
This kind of communication is vital, crucial for the leader whenever he/she passes word around
within the circle among workers or outside of the organization/institution. The reputation of the entity, its productivity, the whole wellbeing of the personnel, the business with the outside world, etc. depend on the kind of interactions strategies put in place by the leadership of that entity. In French, it is said that communication is the fourth power (after the executive, the legislative, and the judiciary) which can do and undo any system, including the first three powers. Hence, it’s absolutely key even vital to have an effective communication system in place in any organization or institution.
Cooperative relationships
As pointed out in the definition above, cooperative relationships deals with relationships
between individuals or groups (companies, organizations, institutions) that call for willingness to cooperate, to collaborate(Illustrated Oxford Dictionary) without necessarily a formal drafted or written agreement. It’s worth mentioning here that there may be formal agreement but the focus is on the willingness to interact or work together peacefully, amicably, as it regularly happens between countries and their governments (bilateral relationships, or multilateral relationships, etc.).
Advocacy and inquiry
Bolman & Gallos (2011) give us a key communication principle that I cherish very much. It is about avoiding arguing and trying to win the conversation. Rather, it is wiser to engage in the combination of advocacy and inquiry. This gives you some advantage over whoever engage in only advocacy or inquiry. In focusing only of advocacy, you annoy your interlocutor whereas in only talking inquiry, nothing substantial or convincing can be achieved in order to move forward. The above authors argue that “advocacy includes statements that communicate what an individual thinks, knows, wants, or feels. Inquiry seeks to learn what others think, know, want, or feel. Successful exchanges need a balance of both” (p. 39). This principle, though first presented by the authors in the context of leadership, is applicable to all areas of communication also, be it internally, externally, individually, corporately, as well as in cooperative relationships. Even when you know you’re right, it is still wiser to process the advocacy-inquiry way. In so doing, you gain more respect from your subordinates or peers or other colleagues or leaders.
In fact, Balman & Gallos (2011) stress that, there are four majors steps or habits of in the learning process to cultivate in order to achieve leadership effectiveness which I consider as important in effective communication as well: (1) be proactive and persistent in seeking feedback from others, (2) test assumptions and attributions, (3) work on balancing advocacy and inquiry, (4) learn about your theories-in-use (p. 41). In putting these four principles into practice, somehow, somewhere, some day, we will be able to develop and overcome those bad habits as the authors point it out so well: “Chris Argyris reminds us that in threatening or emotionally awkward encounters we automatically seek to protect ourselves against vulnerability, embarrassment, or the appearance of incompetence” (p. 41). Therefore, it is very easy to clash whether it be in leadership or in interpersonal, or collective communication.
Remaining appreciative
Another very important from Balman and Gallos (2011) is that you need to remain appreciative in your communication. "You don't have to believe or act on everything that others tell you, but you want to hear them and respond in was that encourage them to keep communicating. Be sure to thank anyone who who tries to help. If you respond to feedbacks by rejecting it, criticizing it, or inducting guilt, the flow of future offerings will dry up quickly" (p. 43). This is truly an eye-opener. I confess that I made many mistakes in this area during my leadership. I used to be defensive (trying to show that I was right even though, from now I can say the same thing but in another way altogether) in order not to drive the other person away.
In this section, Christ Jesus, the greatest effective communicator ever, "No man ever spoke like this man" (John 7:46), showed a perfect example demonstrated the appropriate way of remaining appreciative even in his attitude as described by White (1903) "In every human being, however fallen, He beheld a son of God, one who might be restored to the privilege of his divine relationship . . . In every human being He discerned infinite possibilities. He saw men as they might be, transfigured by His grace—in “the beauty of the Lord our God.” (Psalm 90:17). Looking upon them with hope, He inspired hope. Meeting them with confidence, He inspired trust" (pp. 79, 80). That is certainly why the officers who had been sent to arrest Him went back and exclaimed as mentioned above, and this is effective even efficient communication.
Communication and persuasion even negotiation
In addition to advocacy and inquiry, I think there is another aspect of communication that needs our attention, and that is the persuasion even negotiation dimension with due respect. As far as I am concerned, every effective communication needs to be convincingly persuasive (with some negotiation dimension therein) in order to be winsome. This is the only way to prevent people from reacting negatively or fighting back in one way or another. The time for commanding, shouting, and any form of forcing people or threatening them is no longer acceptable in the 21st century. This way of leading and communicating belonged to the colonial period in the past centuries having ended with last century (20th century).
Acquisition of competency
My communication method used to be more argumentative, certainly because I was trained in debate (kind of more apologetic like). I would always line up my arguments systematically and defeat the other party very easily. In any given situation, I would be ready to launch into a kind of competition or fight. When I became a leader of an entity (Central South Cameroon Mission, later Conference, and subsequently, at the Central Africa Union as a Director and the West-Central Africa Division as Executive Secretary and President, I learned to change my communication style by humbling myself and learning to more listen to people than to argue. However, it was when I took EDAL 676, “Administration of academic services” with Randy Siebold who recommended two text books for us. When I read them, I discovered my flows as well as a better way of communicating, and I was able to learn about how to communicate with people more cordially, particularly in the context of academic environment. One of those principles is communicating is the combination of advocacy and inquiry which really changed my way of communicating completely. I used to only do advocacy (arguing in order to win the discussion or the debate) whereas, one can also win only through inquiry, and that looks a bit more friendly. In combining both, advocacy and inquiry, one becomes even more efficient, and it sounds even looks great. You don’t look arrogant or seem to look down upon others.
Communication being a two-way stream of sharing information, opinion, etc., I have learned to do three things, (1) listen carefully to the person who has the floor, (2) appreciate his/her point of view (even if it is different, (3) If the other person's point of view is different from normal, offer to pray about it, and request that time be given to reflect on it for another meeting.
I must confess that, of all the competencies one needs to acquire, I think the effectiveness in communication is a must because it plays a vital role in life and business as well as any profession in general. To me, this applies to both internal as well as external communication. This means, therefore, that, as a leader, one needs to always be vigilant in order to keep on learning in order to improve oneself in terms of communication competency. That’s why, however effective you may be in communication, you should always remind yourself that you need to keep on improving and growing in it because of the fast changes that occur so systematically in our very complex (even complicated) and volatile 21st century society.
Conclusion
One cannot achieve anything without a proper communication system in place. Therefore, effective communication, the kind of exchange (verbal or non-verbal) is a powerful tool in the hand of every single leader. His/her success or failure is significantly dependent on the way he/she uses this extremely sensitive power. Effective communication being the way of exchanging that produces the positive effect on others, it is, therefore, very important to possess that competency even though one cannot fully master it. As time evolves, the dynamics also keep changing, and therefore, the effectiveness of one’s communication must also adjust itself to the new situation or environment accordingly.
Another key even fundamental principle is, when engaged in communication, you always need to remember that, effective communication fosters on both inquiry and advocacy (not one only or one against the other). This process enriches the conversation and makes things move a bit more smoothly and the conclusion you arrive at will sound more positive and friendly. Always remember that effective communication is not winning an argument by all means but rather winning people to your cause in a positive, friendly, and convincing (or persuasive) way.
Support Materials:
Reference
Alhadlaq, I. (2016). How technology influences communication. International Journal of Scientific & Engineering Research. Vol. 7(1), pp. 960-963. Retrieved from https://www.ijser.org/researchpaper/How-Technology-Influences-Communication.pdf.
Bolman L. G. & Gallos, J. V. (2011). Reframing academic leadership. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Coursera, (2022, August 16, p. 2). What Is Effective Communication? Skills for Work, School, and Life. Retrieved from https://www.coursera.org/articles/communication-effectiveness.
"No man has ever spoken as that man has" (John 7:46).
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